How far do You go to contact someone?

[Lensgirl]

Hi

I have found someone who I believe to be a half first cousin, and sent a message on facebook. Not saying much just asking if they were related to X and would they be willing to talk to me. This person is also friends on FB with the person i believe is my half uncle.

I don't know if they have read the message as I believe you can view messages without the other person knowing, and just looking at his profile I'm not sure he has even posted anything for a while.

I have also found him on LinkedIn but I don't want to look like a stalker or bother someone who isn't interested in making a connection.

I did also write to the half uncle but again I don't want to bother him on FB if he isn't interested.

Is there anything I can/should do without seeming pushy?

[Sylvia C]

I've never tried to contact anyone, but I can tell you that I do not respond to any approaches on FB that are not from people I know.

[Lensgirl]

Ok thanks. I know it's a long shot but I don't want to bother them too much. I haven't asked to friend request, just sent a message

[Guest]

do they have a tree on Ancestry?? more likely to answer a message from there I would think.

[kylejustin]

There is a possibility they haven't seen the message. FB has two folders for messages, one from friends etc and another "hidden" folder. This folder usually gets messages declared spam or from people not on your friends list. Also depends on their privacy settings.

[wulliam]

I've made a couple of contacts through carefully worded messages on FB. This one got a positive response:

Hi - this will seem a bit random but I've been researching my family history and think that you may be a distant cousin. If you're descended from [removed because still living]...Doreen Rogers...Fred Rogers...Harry Rogers then we're 3rd cousins. If you're interested in any of this then please get in touch.

If you're not interested, or if I've got the wrong person then apologies for wasting your time.

Kind regards...

Perhaps something like this might work for you?

[margaretmarch]

There is a possibility they haven't seen the message. FB has two folders for messages, one from friends etc and another "hidden" folder. This folder usually gets messages declared spam or from people not on your friends list. Also depends on their privacy settings.

Facebook now uses Messenger for messages and if you are not connected to someone through a group you have both joined or as friends they don't actually see your message unless they accept you as a contact first. Most people would be cautious about doing this in case you turn out to be a 'nutter' :D
Margaret

[Rusty]

I've always done my contacting through the post setting out how I tracked down their address (BT Phone Book, FMP Register of Electors etc.) and enclosing a small tree just showing the line from our names back to our common ancestor, usually these days giving my e-mail address rather than enclosing an SAE, doing this means that they have my address (for better or worse) and can do their own research on me if they so wish. Having said that I haven't really had any brilliant results and though some have answered with minimal information no-one has seemed to want to keep in touch or swap photo's, a bit like Lost Cousins really, I had one contact from my husband's side who just said that her husband was related to mine and after that a big silence! Must be me, I'll have to change my soap!

[margaretmarch]

I've always done my contacting through the post setting out how I tracked down their address (BT Phone Book, FMP Register of Electors etc.) and enclosing a small tree just showing the line from our names back to our common ancestor, usually these days giving my e-mail address rather than enclosing an SAE, doing this means that they have my address (for better or worse) and can do their own research on me if they so wish. Having said that I haven't really had any brilliant results and though some have answered with minimal information no-one has seemed to want to keep in touch or swap photo's, a bit like Lost Cousins really, I had one contact from my husband's side who just said that her husband was related to mine and after that a big silence! Must be me, I'll have to change my soap!

I have too and I have had good responses for the most part.
Margaret