Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Am I being ultra sensitive

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Am I being ultra sensitive

    This is a request I got yesterday from a member on Ancestry have taken out peoples names

    [Quote]unknown and unknown are my grandparents. I would like to be able to see their wedding announcement if at all possible[Unquote]


    Does that seem rude to you?

    I replied I would need their email to send the image

    Got their reply just an email address nothing else not a please nor a thankyou

    Am I being silly to expect a little more

    I do feel inclined not to bother


    Val

    #2
    I was always brought up that please and thank-you cost nothing.

    I often get requests like this and just ignore them; if they can't be bothered to be polite, I can't be bothered to send them the info.
    Co-ordinator for PoW project Southern Region 08
    Researching:- Wieland, Habbes, Saettele, Bowinkelmann, Freckenhauser, Dilger in Germany
    Kincaid, Warner, Hitchman, Collie, Curtis, Pocock, Stanley, Nixey, McDonald in London, Berks, Bucks, Oxon and West Midlands
    Drake, Beals, Pritchard in Kent
    Devine in Ireland

    Comment


      #3
      They seem to think they have the right to your info. Think I would ignore it until I got a proper request for help.



      Researching Irish families: FARMER, McBRIDE McQUADE, McQUAID, KIRK, SANDS/SANAHAN (Cork), BARR,

      Comment


        #4
        Thanks Pete I just dont understand people like this, plus the article she is interested in I have from having a newspaper sub so not cheap.


        Val

        Comment


          #5
          Thanks JBee was worried I was getting annoyed over nothing:(


          Val

          Comment


            #6
            It's difficult isn't it? On the one hand please and thank you cost nothing, but also sometimes we get so frustrated with our search we forget the niceties, but that does not excuse the reply with an email.

            It is your decision how you proceed, for me I would check the person's profile and weigh up what I find with how much that bit of info means to me. I Recently I had a similar request related to my Grandfathers long term partner/companion. In the end there was information close to me I did not want to share, but did send via a document all the information related to her ancestor and his branch. She was profuse with her thanks.
            Bubblebelle x

            FAMILY INTERESTS: Pitts of Sherborne Gloucs. Deaney (Bucks). Pye of Kent. Randolph of Lydd, Kent. Youell of Norfolk and Suffolk. Howe of Lampton. Carden of Bucks.

            Comment


              #7
              I have had a contact via Ancestry with someone who's messages seemed rather abrupt and didn't always quite make sense, but he was very giving with the information he provided. It turns out he's a US-born second cousin, which is fine, but he's also profoundly deaf and that accounts for his irregular use of written English. Not that, from what you've quoted, your contact seems to be displaying similar signs.

              I know this doesn't help, but it does perhaps just give a different angle.

              STG
              Always looking for Goodwins in Berkshire.

              Comment


                #8
                I had a similar request a while back and told her outright that I thought she was very rude she apologised and said thats how they are in America ??
                I will ponder on it


                Val

                Comment


                  #9
                  I would expect at least a bit of information explaining the connection with my tree.
                  Also I would make the proviso that any documentation I sent was NOT for display on a public tree, nor to be passed on to a 3rd party, without my permission, as I had PAID for the image and, subject to the T & C of that site, it had been downloaded for my own PERSONAL use only.

                  I won't even bother asking if she is sending anything back in exchange!

                  Jay
                  Janet in Yorkshire



                  Genealogists never die - they just swap places in the family tree

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Janet in Yorkshire View Post
                    I would expect at least a bit of information explaining the connection with my tree.
                    Also I would make the proviso that any documentation I sent was NOT for display on a public tree, nor to be passed on to a 3rd party, without my permission, as I had PAID for the image and, subject to the T & C of that site, it had been downloaded for my own PERSONAL use only.

                    I won't even bother asking if she is sending anything back in exchange!

                    Jay
                    I was going to suggest much the same as Jay.

                    Christine
                    Researching: BENNETT (Leics/Birmingham-ish) - incl. Leonard BENNETT in Detroit & Florida ; WARR/WOR, STRATFORD & GARDNER/GARNAR (Oxon); CHRISTMAS, RUSSELL, PAFOOT/PAFFORD (Hants); BIGWOOD, HAYLER/HAILOR (Sussex); LANCASTER (Beds, Berks, Wilts) - plus - COCKS (Spitalfields, Liverpool, Plymouth); RUSE/ROWSE, TREMEER, WADLIN(G)/WADLETON (Devonport, E Cornwall); GOULD (S Devon); CHAPMAN, HALL/HOLE, HORN (N Devon); BARRON, SCANTLEBURY (Mevagissey)...

                    Comment


                      #11
                      I would send the information they ask for.
                      Perhaps they have not had the education in manners you expect them to have.

                      How does ignoring their request (i.e. behaving in exactly the same way as them) do anything to improve the situation?

                      I agree it may be annoying but we as historians are not there to police the manners of others.
                      In a similar vein you have the information, it will not cost anything to email that information to him/her so why not do it.
                      It makes no difference if you paid nothing or thousands for it, that was so you could gain access to it.

                      Selfishness promotes selfishness, generosity promotes generosity, you may not benefit from the person you share with but someone else may.
                      Please be generous.
                      Cheers
                      Guy
                      A forum is a place where ideas & views can be exchanged
                      I read what others write & add my view or idea based on a lifetime of research
                      Some people agree with me some disagree that is their prerogative & valued
                      If I add a previous posting it is to remind forum users of the post I am replying to
                      If I am addressing a particular person I will address them by name
                      If not I am making a general comment to no one in particular.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Guy although I have said nothing on the subject of sharing, I feel guilty for my thoughts, you are right as usual, thank you for your generosity.

                        Edna

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by clematised View Post
                          Guy although I have said nothing on the subject of sharing, I feel guilty for my thoughts, you are right as usual, thank you for your generosity.

                          Edna
                          I would agree - but there is still the matter of the need to comply with the T&Cs of the source site of the image/data.

                          Christine
                          Researching: BENNETT (Leics/Birmingham-ish) - incl. Leonard BENNETT in Detroit & Florida ; WARR/WOR, STRATFORD & GARDNER/GARNAR (Oxon); CHRISTMAS, RUSSELL, PAFOOT/PAFFORD (Hants); BIGWOOD, HAYLER/HAILOR (Sussex); LANCASTER (Beds, Berks, Wilts) - plus - COCKS (Spitalfields, Liverpool, Plymouth); RUSE/ROWSE, TREMEER, WADLIN(G)/WADLETON (Devonport, E Cornwall); GOULD (S Devon); CHAPMAN, HALL/HOLE, HORN (N Devon); BARRON, SCANTLEBURY (Mevagissey)...

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Gosh Val, I find the email response in particular, very discourteous. I've had dealings with a similar request in the past, once this person had my email address they inundated me wanting more, more, more, and not all relating directly to an ancestor, I remember one request was 'could I find the cheapest deal for FTM available to an Australian'. All the requests were matter of fact, almost demands, certainly not asked for or received in a gracious way. Now, I never answer requests from people who don't have the decency to say please and thank you.

                            unknown and unknown are my grandparents. I would like to be able to see their wedding announcement if at all possible
                            A tempting answer could be, 'the announcement is available for purchase from blah, blah newspaper' ;)

                            Joking apart, I'd be tempted to ignore the request, but your call, Val. Always be careful who you give your email address to.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Guy

                              I agree it dosn't hurt to share but once you've handed over the information you lose control of it.

                              How does Val know that this contact is indeed a grandchild of the couple? If she/he isn't, then the information gets added onto a wrong tree, cluttering up the ether even more with WRONG information. Personally, I'd expect a bit more interaction first (like:if they are your grandparents, how come you don't already have this info?)

                              OC

                              Comment


                                #16
                                Just read Guy's post and whilst I agree with what he says, I do struggle with once bitten twice shy. Some people unfortunately want others to do almost everything for them, the person I speak of in my post made me feel guilty if I didn't supply what they wanted, and believe me they wanted a lot, at the time I was having chemotherapy and feeling most unwell, I explained this but still the requests came fast and furious. No, there's definitely some people who don't deserve others help.

                                OC, makes a valid point.
                                Last edited by susan h; 11-03-14, 17:14.

                                Comment


                                  #17
                                  I would think that giving detailed info about where the information can be legitimately obtained is a reasonable reply, as susan h suggested...
                                  'the announcement is available for purchase from blah, blah newspaper'
                                  together with the relevant site - FMP, or Times Digital Archive, or...

                                  That way you are being helpful without risking a breach of the T&Cs of the site(s) in question. You could mention any credit/subscription options available - and remark that many libraries have subscriptions which would enable a member to gain access to the sites in question for free.

                                  Christine
                                  Researching: BENNETT (Leics/Birmingham-ish) - incl. Leonard BENNETT in Detroit & Florida ; WARR/WOR, STRATFORD & GARDNER/GARNAR (Oxon); CHRISTMAS, RUSSELL, PAFOOT/PAFFORD (Hants); BIGWOOD, HAYLER/HAILOR (Sussex); LANCASTER (Beds, Berks, Wilts) - plus - COCKS (Spitalfields, Liverpool, Plymouth); RUSE/ROWSE, TREMEER, WADLIN(G)/WADLETON (Devonport, E Cornwall); GOULD (S Devon); CHAPMAN, HALL/HOLE, HORN (N Devon); BARRON, SCANTLEBURY (Mevagissey)...

                                  Comment


                                    #18
                                    Originally posted by susan h View Post

                                    A tempting answer could be, 'the announcement is available for purchase from blah, blah newspaper' ;)
                                    why joke?? that I think would be my answer too, I would give them the link and opportunity to purchase the information for themselves, that way, you aren't losing face Val and if they are serious they will then acquire said information without being rude to you any further.
                                    Julie
                                    They're coming to take me away haha hee hee..........

                                    Comment


                                      #19
                                      Susan

                                      I am reminded of a contact to whom I sent a huge parcel of photocopied items - cost me about £10 to post it, never mind anything else (I had no printer at that time). She had nagged me daily for the stuff and I felt a bit mean because I felt pressured, lol.

                                      I waited for her response and after a week I was concerned that she hadn't received the parcel so I emailed her:

                                      "Has the parcel arrived safely?"

                                      "Yes" she replied...and that was it!

                                      OC

                                      Comment


                                        #20
                                        Thanks for your replies
                                        I usually am more than pleased to share stuff, and to be honest most of the people who tell me they will share info they have with me dont have any I dont already have, and the couple who did promise stuff that would have been great never bothered to send it.
                                        I had one contact who wanted stuff from The National Archives that somebody on here kindly got for me and who paid for it ? me , this contact never even offered to pay towards it, and I did tell her how much it had cost me, and most of it wasn't really in my interest only a small portion was.
                                        OC that is disgusting I would have been furious.
                                        And Guy I did not have any education in manners but I think I know when to say please and thank you.


                                        Val

                                        Comment

                                        Working...
                                        X