Has anyone come across scandals that you don't dare tell elderly relatives?

[Michael]

I can't be certain, but they were 10 and 8 at the time so I'd imagine they knew. She didn't live long enough to appear on a census (born and died in 1888) so I only found out about her when I was searching the parish register in Cardiff RO.

[Macbev]

I always understood that my maternal grandmother had three younger siblings...a brother and two sisters. They were brought up separately when they were orphaned in 1899, but managed to keep in contact with one another, all except the two year old sister who was adopted and taken away (to England, they thought).The children were born 'OutBack' and only the two youngest were officially registered.

I was extremely interested therefore, when my youngest aunt produced a religious book, one day, that had the children's birth dates written on the front page. As I read through, I was very puzzled to see an Evalyn May inscribed, immediately after my grandmother's name. My aunt knew nothing about it, so I asked my mother, the eldest daughter....who did know about 'Aunty May'...who apparently had tired of life in a convent orphanage and used to climb over the wall to 'go with men'. My grandmother was very straitlaced and cut off all contact with her sister.

My mother said she had been approached in the street one day, when she was just starting school, by a 'very pretty lady with masses of black curly hair', who said she was my mother's Aunty May. She accompanied my mother home, but was denied entrance to the house by her sister, who also forbade her to speak to her family again.

The other snippet of information my mother knew was that her uncle, as next of kin, had been obliged to identify the body of 'Aunty May' who had died in a park. It took me years to verify this as no one had known that May had married...but it was true enough. I found a newspaper report that gave an address, so I guess she was not 'living rough'...but I suspect she was drunk and as it was winter, I imagine she died of exposure.

I found it to be a distressing story and it upset me for quite a time. My grandmother was dead by the time I had discovered the tale....I'm very sure she would have taken its resurrection in very bad part and I would have been in deep manure as far as she was concerned .

[Anne in Carlisle]

I recently discovered that my very straight-laced great great granny, Ann, had a son, Ezra, three years before she married. He was born in 1844 at her parents home and she registered his birth and had him baptised. He grew up and had a family of his own and always lived in the same village as his mother.

My own granny, Alice, was brought up by Ann from 3 years old. Alice also lived in the village until she married. She must have known, Ezra, as it was quite a small village. Did she know he was her uncle? When I told my Auntie (Alice's daughter) she was amazed, and amused fortunately! She said her mother had never mentioned him.

Anne

[Deb N]

My Nan was always very honest with me about her skeletons - so I thought!! I was given today, by my Aunt, my nan's divorce paper from 1945....I was very shocked to see my Grandad as co-repsondent and my nan was guilty of adultry!!!! She kept that quiet!! lol

[Paul Barton, Special Agent]

My Nan was always very honest with me about her skeletons - so I thought!! I was given today, by my Aunt, my nan's divorce paper from 1945....I was very shocked to see my Grandad as co-repsondent and my nan was guilty of adultry!!!! She kept that quiet!! lol

Deb, it might not be as you think. In the days when divorce was very difficult, if a couple both wanted divorce it was sometimes necessary to fabricate grounds and give the court a reason. There were women who made a good income out of being professional co-respondents. They would book into a hotel with the husband and share a room and ensure that the hotel staff saw them. Statements would then be taken from the staff by the wife's side to be produced as evidence in court. Yet no hanky-panky had taken place!

[Mary from Italy]

True, but if both the couple wanted a divorce, it was usually the husband who agreed to be caught in a hotel with a paid co-respondent, not the wife, as in Deb's case.

[Kit]

Well I'm about to write to a newly aquired elderly relative. I am definitely not going to mention her grandmother was illegitimate.

[gloryer]

It has taken me almost 4 years to extract a name from my aunt. My grandfather was not married to my grandmother and with a name like Leonard Smith it has been difficult trying to ascertain if I had been tracing the correct one as nobody claims to know anything about him. He did marry after my grandmother died so I needed to track down his marriage to see who he put as his father. I had been told that he married a distant cousin. And it was said he was warned not to have children with her because of the genetic thing. They did have 2 children. The first one her glands didnt grow properly but I think the 2nd one was a healthy child. Anyway when I did eventually extract the name of his bride I soon found out that she was not a distant cousin and was a direct cousin. Her father and his mother were brother and sister. And that she was 20 years younger than him. Well I sent a letter and told her and I have had complete silence since then. I guess I found out something that I wasnt supposed to.

and as for my mum having 6 half siblings that she knew nothing about. That was a hard decision whether to tell her or not. But I felt that if I am communicating with them then its only fair to tell mum about them.I did thell her but I think now that she is 80 she just cant take it all on board.

[KiteRunner]

Paul, if I understand Deb's posting correctly, her nan was married before she married Deb's grandfather, and her first husband named the to-be-second-husband as co-respondent, so it seems unlikely that the explanation is not as Deb thought, doesn't it?

[colin taylor]

It is believed that one of my uncles committed suicide by gas but my remaining aunt says he died of flue.. I sent for the certificate and the cause was flue and it also adds that his brother was with him at the time of death.
I have not mentioned the suicide story or the death cert to my aunt but her story confirms that he had cause to be depressed and his brother who reorted the death was definately not with him when he died.
I should imagine that it was a considerate doctor who completed the cert

[Olde Crone Holden]

Colin

You don't say when this was, but I would be very surprised if a GP would cover up a suspicious death. Gas poisoning has very distinctive features which neither a GP nor an undertaker would miss.

Is it possible he had attempted suicide in the previous few hours/days/weeks etc, failed, then succumbed to flu?

Of course, none of us were there, so maybe the GP DID cover up the suicide! It just seems very unlikely to me.

OC

[Pamdidle]

Gloryer.

Ther are quite a few cousins marrying in my tree. In fact my moms sister married her first cousin, and we have always known about this

Pam

[colin taylor]

OC, it was 1949 and from other small details known he was well a few days before and was living with a sister after a break up of a recent marriage. The circumstances meant that he was unlikely to find a happy relationship again, and it was the sister that he lived with who says she found him lay at the gas oven. The brother who states on the cerificate that he was with him when he died was sent for by the sister when she found him.
My remaining aunt either does not know or does not wish to admit or discuss so that seems to be where it lies

[Deb N]

Paul, if I understand Deb's posting correctly, her nan was married before she married Deb's grandfather, and her first husband named the to-be-second-husband as co-respondent, so it seems unlikely that the explanation is not as Deb thought, doesn't it?

Yes this is right Kate...I suppose I was just a little suprised that my Nan and Grandad's life together started as an affair!!! It must have been worth all the hassle - they did marry and lived happily together (most of the time!!) for 60 years!!

[Deb N]

...and I hope none of these shenanigans (sp!?!) are going on in my part of the tree Deb! LOL


Nice to see you btw, how are you?

Sadly not Tom - Those Coalwood/Colwoods were just so well behaved;)
Actually, the man in question (my lovely grandad) was the son of a Coalwood!!!! I'm so sorry if us lot down in sarf london ave brought shame on you lot oop north!!!!

Nice to hear from you anyway - I'm fine - How are you?

[Deb N]

I'm sorry to hear you didn't enjoy Uni:-(
How you finding working as a TA?

Oh, just to keep this on a family history level - We will capture that George Colwood oneday and imprison him in our tree for the rest of our lives!!

[Kath nr the Crooked Spire]

Like Kite and Merry I have one very elderly relative who I think holds back information but I tell her quite a lot that I have discovered - 'in hopes' that she may one day relent

[James]

I had an aunt who was quite famous in a way, but cannot find her Birth, Wedding or death certificate, have her children thou!!

James

[Phoenix]

A distant relative was a paedophile. Moved away from the area and appeared to live a respectable life until their death many years ago.

This is not information I would dream of sharing, though it has proved extremely simple to uncover.

I started family history when I was far too naive to recognise that some skeletons are in cupboards for a very good reason. I suspect that I may have learnt more about the family had I appreciated the sensibilities of the people I was talking to.

After all, I regard myself as mature and broad-minded, but I still get upset, seeing my parents on other strangers' trees. And that's just names.

[taffyfrog]

Geordie girl

Got very much the same response from my Mum when I discovered that my Dad was born a month before his parents married. On closer examination it was a family tradition. The awful truth is generally not all that awful.