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this is a long and complicated one, apologies.
i have spent years trying to track down relatives of my paternal biological grandfather, as the tree is rather thin and i would love to find someone who has stories or photo's. he had no paternal siblings (two maternal half sisters, i have contact with this side of the family), and only two paternal cousins. one male cousin died unmarried and childless. the other cousin is deceased but had a family, and i have tried contacting her daughter.
this lady would be 80 something, and her daughter in law and i have corresponded on ancestry, and she gave me this lady's number. i called a month ago only to be told by the husband there was no one of that name there. i forgot about it until this week, and called again; leaving a message on the answering machine. this lady called me back, and started attacking me thinking i was after money. i had suspected this was the reason i had no contact.
this lady kept telling me the tree i had wasn't true, only to back track (i assume she thought she would catch me in a lie, kept telling me i "was a smart boy") asking me how i knew all this information. and then told me my grandfather had no sons, only daughters. this is true, my grandfather had no LEGITIMATE sons. i tried explaining this, but she wouldn't have a bar of it. i feel so deflated about all this.
the thing is, my paternal grandmother had an affair with her married boss, my biological grandfather. she was married too. both marriages broke down, and things ended between them. her boss got divorced and ended up married to her younger sister, and had his daughters with her. my grandmother became widowed and remarried years later. i knew my biological grandfather as my "uncle" my whole life, with family and local rumours he was actually my grandfather. he and my father were very close, and i have memories of this man. i was 5 when he died, and he was scary and decrepit from cancer. i was at his funeral, and was scared i would fall into his grave, as it was so deep.
i was brought up believing my grandmother's first husband was my grandfather. when i was a teenager, i had a y-dna test with his brother. there was no match, but his dna matched others of that surname in the database. by this i concluded my grandmother's boss was likely my grandfather at this point.
but i wanted more solid proof. so when ancestry's dna testing came out, i did it. i matched with all the surnames in my "uncle's" biological family. i have 15 matches with his paternal grandfather's french family. a few possible distant matches for the irish paternal grandmother's side (only 2 of 6 children had descendants, so thin here too). his maternal side matched all the families in australia and england, too; including dna with his aunt's grandson. this is more than enough proof in my eyes, coupled with the fact i had my "uncle's" daughter do the ancestry test too. as she and my father are maternal first cousins, i knew we would have some of the same matches. but we also matched many people on her father's side of the family. impossible to do so unless her father is also my grandfather.
all i wanted was to find living relatives, so i knew what my great grandparents looked like. and could find out stories about the family. my biological grandfather didn't have any photo's, and was stoic in regards to family. his daughter told me he never spoke of them. yet his half sister's families and his cousins' knew him well.
i'd understand this lady's reaction of illegitimate relatives, if she was a close family member. but she is a first cousin once removed of my biological grandfather. only a few family members are aware of the dna testing and what it proves.
that this lady's initial response was to assume i wanted money is rather hurtful.
i have spent years trying to track down relatives of my paternal biological grandfather, as the tree is rather thin and i would love to find someone who has stories or photo's. he had no paternal siblings (two maternal half sisters, i have contact with this side of the family), and only two paternal cousins. one male cousin died unmarried and childless. the other cousin is deceased but had a family, and i have tried contacting her daughter.
this lady would be 80 something, and her daughter in law and i have corresponded on ancestry, and she gave me this lady's number. i called a month ago only to be told by the husband there was no one of that name there. i forgot about it until this week, and called again; leaving a message on the answering machine. this lady called me back, and started attacking me thinking i was after money. i had suspected this was the reason i had no contact.
this lady kept telling me the tree i had wasn't true, only to back track (i assume she thought she would catch me in a lie, kept telling me i "was a smart boy") asking me how i knew all this information. and then told me my grandfather had no sons, only daughters. this is true, my grandfather had no LEGITIMATE sons. i tried explaining this, but she wouldn't have a bar of it. i feel so deflated about all this.
the thing is, my paternal grandmother had an affair with her married boss, my biological grandfather. she was married too. both marriages broke down, and things ended between them. her boss got divorced and ended up married to her younger sister, and had his daughters with her. my grandmother became widowed and remarried years later. i knew my biological grandfather as my "uncle" my whole life, with family and local rumours he was actually my grandfather. he and my father were very close, and i have memories of this man. i was 5 when he died, and he was scary and decrepit from cancer. i was at his funeral, and was scared i would fall into his grave, as it was so deep.
i was brought up believing my grandmother's first husband was my grandfather. when i was a teenager, i had a y-dna test with his brother. there was no match, but his dna matched others of that surname in the database. by this i concluded my grandmother's boss was likely my grandfather at this point.
but i wanted more solid proof. so when ancestry's dna testing came out, i did it. i matched with all the surnames in my "uncle's" biological family. i have 15 matches with his paternal grandfather's french family. a few possible distant matches for the irish paternal grandmother's side (only 2 of 6 children had descendants, so thin here too). his maternal side matched all the families in australia and england, too; including dna with his aunt's grandson. this is more than enough proof in my eyes, coupled with the fact i had my "uncle's" daughter do the ancestry test too. as she and my father are maternal first cousins, i knew we would have some of the same matches. but we also matched many people on her father's side of the family. impossible to do so unless her father is also my grandfather.
all i wanted was to find living relatives, so i knew what my great grandparents looked like. and could find out stories about the family. my biological grandfather didn't have any photo's, and was stoic in regards to family. his daughter told me he never spoke of them. yet his half sister's families and his cousins' knew him well.
i'd understand this lady's reaction of illegitimate relatives, if she was a close family member. but she is a first cousin once removed of my biological grandfather. only a few family members are aware of the dna testing and what it proves.
that this lady's initial response was to assume i wanted money is rather hurtful.
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