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  • First Contact

    How have you made contact with distant cousins who have been unaware of your existence, & probably uninterested, too?

    Of course, when all you know (or, perhaps, guess) is an address, that makes it simple - write a letter.

    What if you know the telephone number, too - have you made a cold call? Bleh.

    Finally, what if you know all those plus an ancestry id - which would you go for?

    I'm not quite in the last situation, but it wouldn't be too much work to uncover the address/phone info for someone in the tree.

    Another interesting piece - there's two sets of cousins, who actually have an earlier common ancestor than they do with me. I don't think they know of each other. They each have (very short) trees. I've thought about building a tree with our common ancestors and inviting both sets - but what if they wouldn't want their family info shared? What about other cousins that we share . . .

  • #2
    Admin -
    Could you move this to general discussion when you have a chance?
    thanks

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi Julie (darksecret) put me in touch just last week with a 4th cousin that she found had a common ancestor on Ancestry. She emailed the person who then made contact with me via email and all this week we have emailed stories back and forth and it's been excellent.

      I would therefore recommend an email with a quick story about who you are and what you are interested in and see if ey reply or if no email address a letter. Then you don't put too much pressure on the person and they can decide what they want to do.

      I turned up at someone's door earlier in the year in Skye - they seemed surprised to see me. I wrote a letter when I got back home but they have never been in contact since. I always worry that people think you might hassle them or want to visit.

      With this new ancestor emails have been thick and fast and we both have supplied information. The risk is that you give another person loads of information and get very little or nothing in return. I would certainly recommend it based on my recent experience

      Hope this helps

      Steven

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      • #4
        Originally posted by PhotoFamily View Post
        Admin -
        Could you move this to general discussion when you have a chance?
        thanks
        Can't see a problem with it being left here. The General Discussion forum is primarily for all things non-genealogical.
        Elaine







        Comment


        • #5
          The risk is that you give another person loads of information and get very little or nothing in return. quote from post #3

          This has happened to me. I have written to many distant cousins and phoned without a problem -some are interested some not. I have given tons of information but I don't mind as I feel at least I know what I'm giving is as accurate as it can be whereas I see many trees where they have got it wrong, including where they have annexed mine to the wrong family.

          I make the contact in the hope that it will bear fruit but if not, life's too short to worry
          Margaret

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          • #6
            Written contact every time. Gives them a chance to mull it over, work out who you are and what you want from them and to show your letter to a family member or a neighbour for reassurance. Cold calling usually puts people on the defensive and you only ever get one chance at a first impression.

            OC

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            • #7
              Personally I would write and enclose a little tree showing how you are related, if you cut out everyone apart from your two lines going up to your common ancestor for starters, you can always expand the information later, and also say what relationship you are to each other. Keep it short and simple.

              Margaret
              Margaret

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Rusty View Post
                Personally I would write and enclose a little tree showing how you are related, if you cut out everyone apart from your two lines going up to your common ancestor for starters, you can always expand the information later, and also say what relationship you are to each other. Keep it short and simple.

                Margaret
                That's exactly what I do and also explain a little of family history to tempt the reader to want to know more or challenge what's said if they are related and have different story!

                I also say that I understand they may not be interested but ask if they would be kind enough to use the prepaid envelope to tell me that they are the person I think they are so I can stop looking. So far everyone has been kind.
                Margaret

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                • #9
                  I've used Ancestry's messaging system quite a bit, letter-writing also. It's been a mixed bag. Sometimes I've received as much or more as I've given, sometimes no response. I contacted one person thru ancestry giving lineage info - got a thank you back, but nothing since then! And they've used the info! Even sent a second message . . . My third cousin just calls if she knows the number. I told her if she had connected that way with me, I would have hung up, assuming it was a phishing call!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I wouldn't phone me!!! I'm always very short with anyone I suspect might be a cold call selling something. Sometimes I'm emabarassed at how short I can be! Once or twice I have had to hasily change my tone when I realised I did actually know who it was.

                    Anne

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                    • #11
                      I generally email or write to people, but many years ago when I'd just arrived in BC, (pre-internet) I did phone someone here who I was sure was connected with my grandmother (very uncommon name). I spoke to an older lady who was only too happy to reminisce and she gave me information which helped me connect the dots. Nowadays, I'd always email - times have changed.
                      Jenny

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                      • #12
                        Its very tricky isnt it,just how to tackle it, I did with a first cousin the other year, I was Sooooooooooooo excited to find her that when she didnt reply straight away I E mailed again, she then wrote back and said she was very busy with HER family and please dont contact her again !, she was on Ancestry at one point but made her contact part blocked, I dont think I was pushy and did explain I didnt want anything from her,just to share all what I had found out, we share Grandparents, I was and still am sad about it,but what can I do, I deleted her E mail in annoyance so cant ever try that again.So you never know how people will react,but it hasnt put me off, I still send E mails.
                        regards Patti

                        *******always searching*********
                        for Bracey.Speck.Gusterson.Taylor.Livermore.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          So, I'm trying to contact three parties; sent two Ancestry connects, one letter. No response yet.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I write, occasionally I have tried through Facebook but usually don't get a response through there. I once traced some family
                            in the USA, one I am still in contact with but his brothers are not interested, initially one of the wives expressed an interest
                            and told me via email that her sister in law had information but I never heard anything from her sister in law when I followed up

                            There are upsides and downsides to tracing unknown relatives

                            George
                            Proud to be connected to Elizabeth (Marjorie) Griffin, one of over 100,000 British Home Children sent from United Kingdom to Canada & Australia to begin a new life.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              i've contacted a few people over the years, most are only to happy to talk of info. some on the other hand message me, asking all sorts of sensitive questions i cant give answers too, about families i would get into trouble by my family for researching!

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                Three messages out, still no return.

                                Well, one hope is that they may have clues to break down my brickwall!

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  Still no return, I'm advised to make a cold call. ugh.

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