I feel so stupid. A Cautionary Tale

[Ann from Sussex]

If you can't find a particular record for someone in your tree, please read this and take note.

I have been a family history enthusiast for many years now and, besides working hard on my own tree, I have helped others, both online and in a local genealogy group. I like to think I know how to go about finding those elusive rellies but now I'm hanging my head in shame over a gap in my own tree which I think I've just managed to fill. My great grandmother was Mary Lally (her married name). I have her birth and marriage certificates and her baptismal record but I have never been able to find any record of her death. The family lived in Lewes which isn't a very large place and they were the only Lallys in the town so I assumed she must have moved away at some time and could be any one of dozens of Mary Lallys who died after 1914, when I know she was still alive and in Lewes. This has been frustrating me for several years. This morning I suddenly wondered (I don't know why it came into my mind) if she might have remarried as she was widowed in 1908. I've just searched for a marriage for Mary Lally in Sussex after 1914 on FreeBMD and the only one that comes up was in Lewes in 1917 to a James Newman. Better still, Mary Newman died in 1939 in Lewes, aged 78...which fits with my great grandmother's birthdate. WHY didn't I think of that before? If it had been someone else who asked me for advice I would have suggested she had remarried but it just never entered my head with this one! I am kicking myself, not least because it is going to cost me £20 instead of £14 to get the certificates now!

Ann

[Olde Crone Holden]

Ann

Been there, done that. Several times. Hunted for the death of my 2 x GGF for nearly 20 years, very common name, sent for every DC in the area. None appeared to be him. finally it occurred to me that he may not have died where he lived and I widened my search area...and found him immediately.

Like you, I like to think I am experienced and my first advice to anyone else would be to think outside the box, so why didn't I do that myself?!

OC

[Velma Dinkley]

I'm still trying to find the death of my 3x great grandmother on my maternal line - under her name and possible new married names - all to no avail :(

[Somerset Sal]

I thought, from the heading, that you'd been the victim of some awful crime, instead of just a temporary glitch in your clear-thinking-gland. Glad it's not worse!!! :0)

[Icenianchild]

Don't we all do something like that at times and feel really annoyed with ourselves!

At least it came to you what you had missed without someone else pointing it out - that would have been worse!

Ice

[Guest]

how lovely though that you finally find her I must admit I have done that a couple of times been looking for a death and she had remarried .

[Janet in Yorkshire]

We all do it!
Marriages to widows were my stumbling block - I spent ages looking for non-existant births/baptisms of girls when I first began.

Jay

[Elderflower]

During my research, I have had quite a few experiences where, after some considerable time, "light dawns". I think the relly causing me problems has been looking down on me from above and decided to put the answer in my head! I cannot think of any other plausible explanation. I believe they all want their correct place on my tree and in my heart.

[salty]

When you ask for help someone always comes out with the obvious,its usually the one you tend to forget!!!!

[Ann from Sussex]

Maybe the reason why it never occured to me that she might have remarried was because of the tales my mother and aunt used to tell about this grandmother of their's. According to them, she was an absolute horror and they loathed her. The picture that was painted and planted in my mind from an early age was not of a woman who might marry again at the age of 56!

Any way, I've ordered the marriage certificate. I was going to order the dc at the same time but decided it might be sensible to see the mc first, just to be absolutely sure she is who I think she is. It won't be sent until 21st May so I've a long and impatient wait now.

Ann

[Uncle John]

56 is relatively young for a second marriage. There are couples who remarry in their 60s, 70s and 80s.

[Little Nell]

Ann

I doubt if there's anyone who has been doing this genealogy lark for a while who hasn't either sent for the wrong cert, or forgotten about remarriages, or looked for ages on a census using the wrong surname or some such. I'm forever getting places or dates or names confused.

[Ann from Sussex]

".... the only one that comes up was in Lewes in 1917 to a James Newman."

It's her! The marriage certificate came this morning (well done GRO, only ordered on 8th) and it is definitely my great grandmother. Her father's details are absolutely spot on and the witnesses were two of my great aunts. I've just ordered the death certificate and am off to see if I can find anything about my step-great grandfather on Ancestry.

Ann

[Anne in Carlisle]

Well done, Ann!

My story of disgrace is that (on several occasions) I have found myself searching for hours for the death of a woman using her MAIDEN surname instead of her married one. Trouble is I look at the tree (where they are correctly entered in their maiden name) and don't mentally change to the married name as I search.

Anne