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Do you include mistresses in your tree?

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  • Do you include mistresses in your tree?

    I've added one of OH's grandfather's as she bore him a child.

    Now I find he had a further mistress, they've all been safely dead for nearly 40 years and she and her husband had no children so there's no-one left to upset.

    How do you record an "irregular" relationship?

  • #2
    I use Family Historian, and it has a Status field under marriage which includes the options 'Never Married' and 'Unmarried Couple'
    (so room there for a fine distinction!). These join the couple with a dotted line on the diagram. Other options under Status are Divorced, Separated, and Unknown. There's a corresponding field to add notes.

    Edit - odd, this post is appearing with an extra 'Unmarried', am trying to delete it but it doesn't appear on the editing screen!

    Should read :
    ... the options 'Never Married' and 'Unmarried Couple'
    Last edited by Blackberry; 09-03-10, 19:09.

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    • #3
      In your situation I would definately include them. I'm having a problem with a lesbian couple at the mo! "They" have just had a baby, what do I do with them? All software logically wants there to be a man and woman, how silly !
      Sue x


      Looking for Hanmores in Kent, Blakers in Essex and Kent, Pickards in East London and Raisons in Somerset.

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      • #4
        I've tried entering them as "Partner" and "Other" but there's no visible distinction on the tree (FTM 2005), just the lack of a marriage date.

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        • #5
          I think the term mistress is a bit outdated. I think if the couple lived together as man and wife I would want info about it and certainly if children were involved I would add the mother too.
          ~ with love from Little Nell~
          Chowns, Dunt, Emms, Mealing, Purvey & Smoothy

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Little Nell View Post
            I think the term mistress is a bit outdated.
            I feel it's still a valid term.

            We know about the woman who had the child as OH & family used to visit his grandad who lived with her for many years, and the child is very much part of OH's family though shunned by his aunts. The "new" woman's identity was only revealed when I was lent a photo of another of OH's relatives by his mum who told us that grandad had an affair with the relatve's wife.

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            • #7
              if I didn't add mine my tree would be considerably smaller LOL

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              • #8
                I add them if they've had a child.............or if it was a long term relationship.

                I wouldn't have space in my tree for the one night stands...........however meaningful they were at the time........lol

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Little Nell View Post
                  I think the term mistress is a bit outdated.
                  I love it. The word I despise is 'partner', a perfectly good word in various other contexts but now needlessly hijacked.

                  No, I love the old words, much more exciting. Mistress. Paramour. Concubine.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Harrys mum View Post
                    I wouldn't have space in my tree for the one night stands...........however meaningful they were at the time........lol
                    lol, there could have been loads of those, OH's grandad disappeared for about 4 years (although our money's on a jail term as he was an accountant & we reckon he could jugglle the books as well as the women)

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Little Nell View Post
                      I think the term mistress is a bit outdated.
                      Not so outdated. Didn't Tiger Woods recently have about 18 mistresses??

                      Although in his case I think the term is not appropriate. I thought a mistress was a long term thing on the side that you supported.
                      Kit

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Kit View Post
                        I thought a mistress was a long term thing on the side that you supported.
                        Like a carport, perhaps?
                        Uncle John - Passed away March 2020

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                        • #13
                          I've added them too. My ancestors activities mean I get to know more about them and the lives they lived. I pretty soon found out that what folk say and what happens are two different things. It all fascinates me.

                          Ayse

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Val wish Id never started View Post
                            if I didn't add mine my tree would be considerably smaller LOL
                            This could definitely be misunderstood!!
                            Kind regards,
                            William
                            Particular interests: The Cumming families of Edinkillie & Dallas, Moray

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                            • #15
                              I would include them.
                              With the lesbian couple there has to be a man or sperm donor.
                              Therefore the father is either the man's name or unknown.
                              In the case of the mother if one of the couple is the mother then that would be simple if not then both would be adoptive parents.
                              Cheers
                              Guy
                              Guy passed away October 2022

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                              • #16
                                Oh, goodness me, does this mean I have to add the widow Bradley to my tree then? She and my grandfather were booked away on a dirty weekend but my gran found out and forbade him to go. He apparently normally sneaked off to see her on Saturday afternoons when he was supposed to be watching cricket at the local club.

                                I have, up until now, only considered this relationship, whatever it was, to be worthy of a place in my (private) notes. I had not thought of her as a Mistress, a term which conjures up chaise longues, frilly negligees and giggling and most importantly, being a Kept Woman. I doubt if my grandfather could afford Mrs Bradley for very long.

                                OC

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                                • #17
                                  Originally posted by Uncle John View Post
                                  Like a carport, perhaps?
                                  POssibly, but I'm sure a carport would be cheaper.

                                  Originally posted by Olde Crone Holden View Post
                                  Oh, goodness me, does this mean I have to add the widow Bradley to my tree then? She and my grandfather were booked away on a dirty weekend but my gran found out and forbade him to go. He apparently normally sneaked off to see her on Saturday afternoons when he was supposed to be watching cricket at the local club.

                                  I have, up until now, only considered this relationship, whatever it was, to be worthy of a place in my (private) notes. I had not thought of her as a Mistress, a term which conjures up chaise longues, frilly negligees and giggling and most importantly, being a Kept Woman. I doubt if my grandfather could afford Mrs Bradley for very long.

                                  OC
                                  Understanding woman, your Gran. He can have Saturday afternoons but not the whole weekend.

                                  I wouldn't add her if they didn't have children or they didn't live together.

                                  A note on your tree adds personality to your grandfather but she isn't part of the family.
                                  Kit

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                                  • #18
                                    I have included my 4x gt g'pa's mistress and the children she had with him. In the late 18th century she'd have considered herself his mistress. I don't like the hi-jacking of the word 'partner' either.
                                    Looking for Bysh, Potter, Littleton, Parke, Franks, Sullivan, Gosden, Carroll, Hurst, Churcher, Covell, Elverson, Giles, Hawkins, Witherden...

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                                    • #19
                                      I heard about a woman who ran a small business with a female friend. She went into hospital for a minor op, and mentioned that "my partner had her baby here". Apparently this innocent remark caused some consternation among the nurses.

                                      Not many years back, everyone would have understood exactly what she was saying.

                                      My paramour agrees with me.

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