O frabjous day! I have photos!

[Just Gillian]

Some of you may have seen the tongue in cheek thread I put on General the other day about finding a new contact on OH's maternal stagnant Irish line just after my niece had brought me a leprechaun keyring from Ireland.

Well - we are now the proud possessors of photos of his great grandparents, born 1821 and 1829!! I am so thrilled that I'm almost unable to sit still long enough to type this!! (And I have to say, his gt grandfather does look rather like a leprechaun lol)

But is anyone else like me? I'm now feeling really guilty because I was the one who initiated the contact after finding an old post on a genealogy forum, and this chap clearly knows way more about the family than I do. My paltry offering will be only what happened to OH's grandfather after he emigrated to England.

[Margaret in Burton]

Yes, but how many times has that been the other way round when you have given info out and received very little in return.

If you don't have the info in the first place you can't share it.

[Just Gillian]

It's true Margaret that, recently, it has been one way traffic from me to new contacts. But, putting myself in this chap's shoes, I know I'd have been terribly disappointed when a new contact on a difficult line turned out to be a dud.

[tinkerbe]

and he will be just as thrilled to fill a bit of his tree and find a new relly.

you can also go back over his work and find any lilttle bit he has missed
therefore help him

[Chrissie Smiff]

But Gillian, he may have been trying to find out for years what happened to your OH's grandfather after he came to England. It's swings and roundabouts but I do understand. I tend to feel guilty if someone gives me information but delighted if I can give some out - aren't we funny :D:D

[Just Gillian]

Tinkerbe and Chrissie - I hope you're right and he is getting something out of it. He has an Irish e-mail address and, I think, has looked at Catholic baptism registers, so is more likely to have it right than I am.

Glad I'm not alone in feeling guilty sometimes!

[Christine in Herts]

Calloo Callay

Well done in making the contact. I'm glad it's turned out well.

And do you really feel that a contact is a dud if the person to whom you are able to give a lot of info is truly grateful? I think it's more likely that it gives you pleasure. It's only a real dud when they take the info and don't seem to care much about it.

Christine

[Just Gillian]

Christine you're right! I never think of a new contact as a dud, even if they are only taking their first steps and know nothing.

I think the only times I have got genuinely irritated is in the cases of descendants of one particular line - one person has a sparkly professional looking website which has lots of correct information but has some serious errors from mid 19th century backwards and gone off course. When I see that new contacts have happily added all the wrong ancestors and countries of origin for several generations, based purely on this website, I sometimes wonder why I bother!

I did e-mail straight back to tell this chap how delighted we were to see the photos. It would have made me feel good to receive that e-mail, so I hope it did him.

[Uncle John]

I can see you chortling in your joy. But watch out for the Jabberwock!

[Christine in Herts]

I can see you chortling in your joy. But watch out for the Jabberwock!

Do you not mean Beware...! UJ?

Christine

[Merry Monty Montgomery]

I have often been the person with all the info when someone contacts me about their tree. I never mind what info I give them as long as they are suitably excited! lol Only when they don't say thanks and never contact me again to I feel a bit miffed.................

[Uncle John]

*ALERT! - thread going off-topic*

There's nothing better than whiffling through the tulgey wood.

[maggie_4_7]

ahhhh I think that is so good. Well done to your contact.

I'm sure you've given out lots of information to people that didn't give much back because they didn't know. Works both ways. Its doesn't matter if one party doesn't know much thats what contacting each other is about. I'm sure he was happy to send it.

I agree with Merry. I made a contact on Ancestry through their tree that kept coming up as a connection to me. I ignored it for a long while.

It was public mine is personal I looked at it and although 'he' had a lot right 'he' also had a lot wrong. This person is a descendent of my grandfather's older brother, part of his family went off the the USA in the 1950's.

I quite happily sent him loads of stuff and I mean lots (personal stuff too that he would have no access to in any way) regarding our mutual GGG grandparents and their ancestors, explained that some of his info was a bit squiffy very politely and opened my tree. I was excited I had made contact oh little naive person me.

Heard nothing back, contacted him again to see if anything I had sent was helpful. He emailed back saying thanks for the info but he hadn't had time to completely digest it all sent me a couple of dates back regarding his family that was totally useless to be honest, no facts.

I then went on Ancestry to look at his tree again to see if he had updated it with new and correct info and guess what he had either deleted it or made it personal with no invitation to me.

Well I immediately stopped his access to my tree. Unfortunately he had access to my tree for about 2 months and I had sent him some stuff that I now wish I hadn't. I won't do it again.

So you live and learn.

Edit to say: I wouldn't have minded if he had said 'thank you for all the information and kept contact but said I don't have much to give you back. That I wouldn't have minded to be honest. It was the dismissive attitude.

[Richard]

Out of experience I've found the best approach is to drip feed information to a new contact. Sounds a bit mean and miserly, but I tend to find even when done with the best intentions, if you hand everything on a plate it's highly counter productive. The line that was terrificley interesting for you to research, is just dull for them as its all there without any suspense, excitement or effort. Much better to try and get them interested in researching for themselves, then compare each otheres work, perhaps they will find mistakes in your own, and you can help eachother, become 'research buddies', share costs of certs etc. I tend to find that just does not happen when you load lots of previous research onto somebody, no matter how good it is.

[BrianT]

Can I just add a few words here, in behalf of those of us who 'take'.

I came here a couple of weeks ago seeking research information.
You folks have been fantastic. I'm a member of a couple of specialist forums, not genealogy, and none has been as helpful, or shown the same commitment as you guys.

I will take out a subscription to one of the search sites but one fact you've probably overlooked is that you folks know "how" to search; the short cuts and hints.

I'll happily evaluate your vintage fly fishing kit but you leave me for dead on census/BMD searches (pun intended :p)

A general Thank you on behalf of the 'takers'

Brian

[Just Gillian]

Oh Brian, I hope it doesn't seem that any of us are unhappy about giving/sharing - especially as you are a newish member of FTF.

I was on a bit of a guilt trip in my opening post (heightened emotions because of the excitement of seeing the photos lol) particularly because Ireland is such a difficult area and so I'm very conscious of the fact that my own verified information on that family is sparse.

As for sharing, I always get a real buzz if I can help someone out and I think most of us on here are the same. The annoyance comes only in cases where there is blatant discourtesy.

[maggie_4_7]

Out of experience I've found the best approach is to drip feed information to a new contact. Sounds a bit mean and miserly, but I tend to find even when done with the best intentions, if you hand everything on a plate it's highly counter productive. The line that was terrificley interesting for you to research, is just dull for them as its all there without any suspense, excitement or effort. Much better to try and get them interested in researching for themselves, then compare each otheres work, perhaps they will find mistakes in your own, and you can help eachother, become 'research buddies', share costs of certs etc. I tend to find that just does not happen when you load lots of previous research onto somebody, no matter how good it is.

Thats is what I was hoping. I already have 2 2nd cousins (we have a mutual g g grandmother and grandfather) I found through reasearch and all three of us work together now. I had most information and I am more than happy to share always have been. i also get a buzz and quite excited when I can open a door or help someone knock a brick out of their wall.

I think the dismissive attitude is the thing that leaves one a bit miffed having been asked for the information in the first place.

Alas this gentleman wasn't up for working together he just wanted to fill in his gaps.

[Penelope]

Redacted