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  • Wife's use of husband's forename/s

    I know my mother used my father's forename when writing formal letters, calling herself eg Mrs John Smith - I think she stopped doing this in the 80's.

    I wondered when this practice began.

    Also does anyone know whether this was common practice in America (Ohio) in the 1940's (I have a Mrs I. S. ****) and am wondering whether the initials are hers or her husband's

    Thanks
    Joan died in July 2020.

  • #2
    I do remember this being so in the 50s/60s. But no way can I see it happening now. I think it may stem from the time when everything a woman owned became her husbands on marriage, including herself.

    We now look on women as being individuals in their own right.

    Kathlyn

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    • #3
      I think it was very much the norm in formal letters. My aunt called herself Mrs JP (her husband's initials) until he died then she used her own initials, this was in the 1970s.

      I'm, pretty sure it was the norm for a century or more before that.
      Gwynne

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      • #4
        I remember when we got married in 1983, my mother in law addressed a birthday card to me as Mrs D *******.

        I went mad at her. My name is Margaret not David, I told her, I have a name of my own.
        She said when you are married you use your husbands initials. I DONT, I said.
        That was the only time I ever really argued with her, we got on great.

        Daft thing was I saw loads of correspondence addressed to her in her initials.

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        • #5
          Its common in the nineteenth century but is becoming rare, two elderly relatives still use that form when they send me birthday cards

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          • #6
            My aunt in Australia did that for the longest time - we emigrated from Scotland, so don't think it is an Australian thing. If she has stopped, it is only because her husband died 9 years ago.

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            • #7
              Yes, it was the norm for centuries. Only very close relatives would use her forename, and that only in speech.

              You were Miss Jane Bloggs, but when you married, you became MRS John Smith, to differentiate you from MR John Smith - marriage made you one person, legally in the eyes of the Church and the State.

              OC

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              • #8
                If I send my mother a birthday card, I always address it to Mrs LM ****** - dads intials not hers
                Jess

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                • #9
                  I THINK it was correct that once a woman was widowed, she used her own forename? Anyone confirm?

                  OC

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                  • #10
                    Well my aunt did and you couldn't get more formal than she was, OC.
                    Gwynne

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                    • #11
                      Thats correct, OC, women used their own intials after their husband died. When I worked for Barclays we automatically changed Mrs IH P****-***** to Mrs ME P****-***** (ME being her own initials) when she was widowed although this upset her greatly, so we reinstated her late husband's.
                      Last edited by Jill on the A272; 13-09-08, 16:26. Reason: clarity

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                      • #12
                        Although I don't send formal letters, I always address cards to Mr & Mrs G (husband)****** unless they are widowed when I revert to their intials. It was the way I was taught andI may be old but not that old:D
                        Jean



                        To forget your ancestors is to be a brook without a source, a tree without a root....

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                        • #13
                          My friend STILL addresses letters to me as Mrs R D **** (my OH's initials. It drives me mad :( .... but sh's still my friend :D

                          Anne

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                          • #14
                            It was definitely used in the USA up to the 1970s and I think still is in many cases. I used to get annoyed receiving letters addressed to me with my husband's initials.
                            Jenny

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Olde Crone Holden View Post
                              I THINK it was correct that once a woman was widowed, she used her own forename? Anyone confirm?

                              OC
                              My understanding was that widows kept husband's initials but divorcees changed to their own. Certainly we kept on addressing my nan by her husband's initials right up to her death in 1962(she had been a widow for 22 years by then, and I remember mum being upset when someone addressed her by her own initial after dad died in 1986.
                              Judith passed away in October 2018

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                              • #16
                                My mother has been widowed since 1971. Many of her friends have been widowed recently. She got used to the idea that most (virtually all) people and businesses have stopped addressing her as Mrs W H ***** (my dad's initials) and have changed over to Mrs S M ***** (her own initials), but she gets very stressed about her friends when they have been widowed (whilst married mum always used their husband's initials!). She has forced herself to change to their own initials, but isn't comfortable with that.

                                I have some Victorian letters and checked the envelopes, but they are all written to Quakers and they don't follow normal etiquette! lol

                                I don't really see why it's irritating to be addressed by your husband's initials? Surely all of us would still write "Mr and Mrs J Bloggs" when writing to a couple, rather than Mr J and Mrs S Bloggs"...........or am I being old fashioned with that?

                                I see my local council writes to "Mr S Montgomery and Mrs S Montgomery", which sounds a real mouthful and means they have to leave out part of our address to fit everything in the envelope window!!

                                When I was first working (1983) all correspondence went to mens initials except for unmarried women and all men were "Esq" not "Mr" unless they had another title.

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                                • #17
                                  My wife's parents and aunts always addressed birthday cards etc. to her as Mrs J. The one remaining aunt still does.
                                  Uncle John - Passed away March 2020

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                                  • #18
                                    I always understood that Mrs John Smith meant Mistress of John Smith (not in the sexual sense, but in the sense that she belonged to John Smith). Of course "mistress" has other connotations.

                                    It was normal for women to be referred to in this way, hence Mrs Patrick Cambell, a celebrated Edwardian actress; Mrs Henry Wood, the author of the melodramatic "East Lynne" etc.
                                    ~ with love from Little Nell~
                                    Chowns, Dunt, Emms, Mealing, Purvey & Smoothy

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                                    • #19
                                      Originally posted by Margaret in Burton View Post
                                      I remember when we got married in 1983, my mother in law addressed a birthday card to me as Mrs D *******.

                                      I went mad at her. My name is Margaret not David, I told her, I have a name of my own.
                                      She said when you are married you use your husbands initials. I DONT, I said.
                                      That was the only time I ever really argued with her, we got on great.

                                      Daft thing was I saw loads of correspondence addressed to her in her initials.
                                      I had the same conversation with my MIL when I married. She addressed a birthday card to me as Mrs. D. not Mrs. S. I was not happy.

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                                      • #20
                                        At one point, just after WW2, my paternal grandmother was sharing a requisitioned house with her 4 sons and their wives. She seized any letters addressed to "Mrs Gray" and when one of her daughters-in-law protested she said "There is only ONE Mrs Gray in THIS house!"

                                        Correctly, grandmother would have been Mrs JJ Gray and her eldest dau in law Mrs JJT Gray.

                                        Its old-fashioned now - but then again, men used to have mail addressed to them as "J Smith Esquire" didn't they? When I saw a letter addressed like that to my Dad I thought he must have been posher than I'd imagined!!!
                                        ~ with love from Little Nell~
                                        Chowns, Dunt, Emms, Mealing, Purvey & Smoothy

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