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How do you Make Contact...

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  • How do you Make Contact...

    ...with a possible living rellie? I know I've seen threads on this but I've searched & can't find them. So I'm using the wrong key words.
    I have found a chap in his early 70's that I think is my 1st cousin, once removed. I believe my grandfather was his uncle. He is the first living rellie I have found from a branch I know very little about.
    Part of me longs to contact him but I'm also worried that I'm completely wrong. Will he think I'm cyber stalking him? I have found him via my grand uncle's death & marriage certs, Commonwealth War Graves site, granduncle's wife's death cert & the BT phone book. He isn't ex directory & seems to have lived at the same address for at least 37 years.
    I'm thinking introduce myself, explain that my grandfather JHF was ERF's brother & their parents were TWF & FSP. Then what? Do I just say I am interested in finding out more about this side of the family. I don't know specifically what I'm looking for. How do I finish off? Apart from enclosing an SAE with a request to send it back empty if he isn't interested, what do I say?
    I really would appreciate any thoughts & ideas on taking what is a big step for me. Geraldine

  • #2
    Geraldine

    Well, if he DOES think you are stalking him, he does have the option not to reply!

    I wouldn't explain exactly how you found him in your first letter. He will be so surprised and hopefully delighted to hear from you that he won't think about that straight away.

    Keep it short, enclose a brief drawn tree to illustrate your relationship and maybe ask him one specific question like "Do you know what happened to XY? Did she marry?" This will open up the lines of communication at least.

    I think you are in with a good chance - the older people get, the more their minds turn to the past and to their families.

    Good luck! Let us know how you get on.

    OC

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    • #3
      Just write a fairly brief letter to the effect that you are interested in your family history and include a few items of information that will be known to him if he is a rellie and say that you would be pleased to hear from him if there is a connection. Enclose a stamped and addressed envelope - then the ball is in his court. If you are lucky there will be a reply. Some you win - some you lose.
      Last edited by Len of the Chilterns; 07-04-08, 22:51.
      Len of the Chilterns passed away July 2021

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      • #4
        I would hold back from saying what you know about him. For instance, ask him if he is the son of X, even if you know only too well he is! That way it seems less like you are a detective who might find out something (or already know something) he doesn't want you to know!!

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        • #5
          Thank you all for your advice. It's getting the right balance of what to tell him I know without being scary. I'm hoping he holds a clue to who mysterious cousin Mona may be. Geraldine

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          • #6
            I did exactly what you did in the same position and asked FTF members for advice. The result was that I sent a brief handwritten letter explaining that I had been researching the family, and enclosed the briefest of trees containing our common ancestor down to myself, and his line but stopping at his father, and asked if he recognised any part of the tree.

            I enclosed a stamped addressed envelope but also incuded my email address. I got an email within the week with a few family details and congratulating me on having found him.

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            • #7
              I found my husband's great-uncle in the phone book and wrote him a letter.

              I just wrote that I was looking for X, brother to Y and Z, son of A and B and that we'd love to get in touch. I also wrote apologies if you are not the person I'm looking for etc.

              I had a letter by return of post from a very excited man in his 80s grateful to have been contacted.

              I hope you have the same luck!

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              • #8
                There is no guarantee that you will get an answer, but it is always worth a try. I found a cousin in the USA by looking in the Telephone Directory for Florida on his father's last known address, and wrote to him on the offchance, giving E mail and tel no and he rang me on getting the letter which produced much info on his side of the family though not a lot for me on my side but he became interested in Family History. Two other letters that I wrote did not even get me back my empty stamped addressed envelope!! You win some and you lose some. I am speculating whether to try once more to the last member of the family who might be able to help me where the others failed to return my envelopes. You never know third time might just be lucky in my case! Good luck and have a go!

                Janet

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                • #9
                  I took very good advice from kind people here on FTF.

                  I found some relatives on shipping lists coming here from India, none of us new the others existed..........i penned a short letter, similar to what has been suggested, and they replied right away,,,,,,,,i was gobsmacked, we are in regular contact now and are in the process of setting up a "meet".
                  Last week i found a brother of my father i did'nt know existed, i have wrote to him, and so far have not had an empty enverlope back!!........fingers crossed he replys !!

                  The best of luck to you Geraldine.
                  Jacky

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