Found Relatives

[WingsOfHeaven]

So I've been working on my tree and I've been getting to the point where I am finding new relatives that are still alive - some fairly remotely related - maybe descended from a common Great Grandparent or Great,Great Grandparent and I've been thinking I'd like to get in touch and introduce myself and ask whether they have any stories or pictures of past family members so that I can get a clearer picture of the family BUT how do you word that? Has anyone on here sone something similar and what kind of a response did you get? I was thinking of sending a SAE with the letter but would an email address be better as most people would have the facilities to scan old pictures - or at least take a pic of them on their phone and then forward it and then they are not "losing" maybe a treasured family pic to some random bloke that's written to them out of the blue.

In order to do this I'm going to have to hone my sleuthing and find these people via online means, but I don't want to come over like some kind of a cyber-stalker and I don't want to appear pushy. Is there an etiquette to this sort of thing? Or would I be totally out of line with any such request (subtlety isn't in my vocabulary...)

Thanks

[Sylvia C]

Letter with stamped addressed envelope ............. NOT email.

Remember some of these people might be quite elderly, and not computer savvy

Ask them to return the empty SAE if they want no further contact.

Brief letter to explain that you have been doing your family history, that you think you may be connected because your Gt Aunt so-and-so seems to have been tthe sister of their Gt Uncle "Joe" ..... but don't go on for pages

Remember that a lot of people are not interested in family history, and may well think you may have stalked them so be very careful in what you say.

[Jill on the A272]

Letter with stamped addressed envelope ............. NOT email.

I disagree, I have had some delightful contacts via email. I discovered a distant cousin with an unusual name in a position at a hospital and contacted him via his work email with a very brief description of our common ancestor and he was interested enough to reply with his personal contact details which led to a fruitful exchange.

I would just advise that you do not overload whoever you contact with too much information at first as there can be a lot to take in, and avoid bombshells (eg secret love child, murder in the family) until you have established a rapport.

[Janet]

It probably depends where you found them in the first instance, but going back to 2002 I have been sending e mails and have found some wonderful contacts all over the world. After the initial excitement of finding each other the e mails drop back, but I am still in contact with most of my original contacts after all these years. Way back in the 1990's and 1980's I used to send letters with stamped addressed envelopes, but when sending abroad you have to purchase International Coupons to enclose and I imagine that would be quite expensive today. E mail is quicker and cheape if you have an e mail address. If people give an e mail address then they will want you to use it. Good luck, can be very rewarding.

Ancesry, Family History Societies etc will give e mail addresses for you to contact but make sure you have a contact e mail address, not go looking for them as that might cause problems.

Janet

[Janet]

Should have added that Ancestry do not give e mail addresses but leaving a note will get a contact and then you can swop e mail addresses.

Janet

[WingsOfHeaven]

Just to clarify, I was thinking of initially contacting by letter and giving an email address that they could reply me on if they found that easier, I'm not planning on sending emails.

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[margaretmarch]

Just to clarify, I was thinking of initially contacting by letter and giving an email address that they could reply me on if they found that easier, I'm not planning on sending emails.

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That's what I usually do and most often people reply by email. As has been said write in a friendly tone as if you are related try to whet their appetite to know more.

If your research has been thoroughly done you should be contacting the right person. Most people expect that they can be found in various registers and online if they use facebook etc. so won't be worried about how you found them - unless of course they are trying to hide!
Margaret