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  • Please advise

    I am in a quandary as to whether to contact someone on Ancestry Public Trees and would appreciate advice.

    My great grandfather died in WW1. His widow met someone who was married (with children) and they eventually lived together. (He never got divorced as far as I know.) She took his name and they then had children of their own. I am a descendant of the original marriage, not the second one.

    I noticed on Ancestry Public Trees that there is a tree for his original family. Would it be absolutely the wrong thing to contact them and ask if they would like details of his other family, simply for completeness, or should I leave well alone?

    Regards
    Bev
    Interested in the following:CRUSH from Essex and London; YOUNG from Wanstead Essex and East London; HODSON from Chester; and GERAGHTY/GERRITY from Chester and Co Mayo

  • #2
    ?? I'm confused. You say you are descended from the man's original marriage and the tree shows that same original family yet it has been put up by the 2nd family. They obviously already know about his 1st family. Or is it that their info is very basic and there is much more that you can tell them? Apologies if I have misunderstood your question. :-)

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    • #3
      Bev

      Do you mean the married man's family don't know about his second family with the widow? I'd contact them briefly and say you have info IF they want to know (I bet they do!). No one alive is responsible for what happened nearly a hundred years ago. It is my personal opinion that if you do your FH, you should expect to take the rough with the smooth and find some unpleasant facts.

      OC

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      • #4
        I agree with OC just mention you seem to have the same family and see what they say, although I contacted somebody ages ago who got quite nasty because I knew something they did not like me to know .

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        • #5
          I once had the contact the other way round ......... and from someone who did not want to say the "secret"

          There is a small UK site called the Blacksmiths Index and years ago I had entered OH's gt grandfather's name as he had been a Blacksmith in Wales.

          Almost two years ago, I was contacted out of the blue by someone who thought we had to be connected because of the Welsh blacksmith, but he was very circumspect about what he would tell me.

          He told me which family he was from, going back to his grandparents and gt grandparents, which was fine, except OH and I had no record of his grandparents having a son with the name he gave for his father, so I was also being circumspect.

          It turned out that he "knew" a deep dark secret that had always been kept quiet .......... it had never been a secret in OH's family, I was told about it within weeks of us getting engaged because I was to be taken to meet the "secret" who was well integrated into the family and also knew all about it!

          The contact and I went around the hills for about 3 weeks before I finally got fed up of being "circumspect", and spelled it out. HE was rather shocked that I should do that!

          His grandfather was the younger brother of OH's grandmother, and thus his children were first cousins of my mother-i-l

          It turned out that his father's name had somehow got "lost" in the records that OH and I had been given, and he had been born post-1911 so hard to find online.
          My grandmother, on the beach, South Bay, Scarborough, undated photo (poss. 1929 or 1930)

          Researching Cadd, Schofield, Cottrell in Lancashire, Buckinghamshire; Taylor, Park in Westmorland; Hayhurst in Yorkshire, Westmorland, Lancashire; Hughes, Roberts in Wales.

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          • #6
            Sorry Galloway Lass for the confusion - I am a descendant of my grandfather who died in WW1.

            OC and Val - thanks for the advice. I'll think a little longer about what I will do.

            Sylvia C - I think that if I do go ahead then I will certainly not beat around the bush.

            Bev
            Interested in the following:CRUSH from Essex and London; YOUNG from Wanstead Essex and East London; HODSON from Chester; and GERAGHTY/GERRITY from Chester and Co Mayo

            Comment


            • #7
              A friend's mother came from a similar background, only in her case both bride & groom had been widowed by WW1 or the flu epidemic. We always referred to the three sets of children as "his, hers and theirs."

              Jay
              Janet in Yorkshire



              Genealogists never die - they just swap places in the family tree

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              • #8
                The other side of the coin - my friend's mum is the product of the second "marriage". (Wife would not divorce him and in those days, the guilty party could not obtain a divorce). She knows there were children of his legal marriage (from his redacted service records) but not who they were nor who the first wife was - with the commonest surname in the UK it is impossible to work it out.

                She would give anything to be in contact with his first family. Of course, they might not want to know her, but on the other hand, they might be longing to know what happened to their father/grandfather.

                Personally, I'd go for it. They must know he went off with someone else, so that won't be a shock.

                OC

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                • #9
                  I never understand why people get so upset about the past secrets I love a bit of scandal in the family.;)

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                  • #10
                    Val

                    One of the biggest disappointments of my life was when I got to the bottom of why one side of my family hadn't spoken to the other side for 80 years - the side we didn't speak to had been divorced in 1926!!!!!!

                    OC

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                    • #11
                      I can relate to that Tom's Mum divorced his Dad and the family were horrified, it was such a scandal , I have the divorce record its on black paper.

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                      • #12
                        Thanks to all who have given me the input I needed. I have decided to bite the bullet and get in touch and see what comes of it. Who knows - they may be glad I did (or not).

                        I will keep you posted.

                        Bev
                        Interested in the following:CRUSH from Essex and London; YOUNG from Wanstead Essex and East London; HODSON from Chester; and GERAGHTY/GERRITY from Chester and Co Mayo

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                        • #13
                          oh good they may be delighted ,do let us know

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by r642611 View Post
                            Thanks to all who have given me the input I needed. I have decided to bite the bullet and get in touch and see what comes of it. Who knows - they may be glad I did (or not).

                            I will keep you posted.

                            Bev
                            Well I think you're doing the right thing- as someone who has been looking for half siblings ( since I saw my fathers army records in which they were detailed 40 years ago.)
                            I have finally tracked them down with lots of help from this site and Rootschat. I was hesitant too about making contact with them. I have now done that and they knew of my existence anyway and held no resentment towards me. We have all been delighted to talk to one another and have filled in all the gaps which is very satisfying.
                            After all it wasn't our fault that these things happened but our Dad, their mother and my mother are now all dead so it's not going to hurt them.
                            All I can say is good luck and I'm sure you'll heave a sigh of relief once you've made that contact and everything is out in the open. Most people can be forgiving and let's face it there is always a bit of scandal in our families!
                            i recently found out that my maternal grandfather had a child before marrying my grandmother and it would appear the mother was one of his sisters !!!!!!!

                            Pookie

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                            • #15
                              Pookie
                              Thanks for the good side to what I am doing.

                              To all who have been kind enough to give me advice - I have been in touch with just one of the trees available and had a reply. He is a 4th cousin 4 times removed and I shall be getting back to him imminently to see if he would like more information.

                              Regards
                              Bev
                              Interested in the following:CRUSH from Essex and London; YOUNG from Wanstead Essex and East London; HODSON from Chester; and GERAGHTY/GERRITY from Chester and Co Mayo

                              Comment

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